Wednesday, November 16, 2016

How Do You Say Goodbye?

My Dad passed away Saturday October 29, 2016.  This has been the most difficult thing I have ever faced in life so far.  I don't have many words to share because pain, it hurts too much.  This was what I shared at his celebration of life.....

 I can’t believe I’m here having to say goodbye to my Dad.  This is definitely the toughest thing I have faced in life so far.  It’s hard to know where to start when preparing something like this, so bare with me as I’m sure it won’t be eloquent and may be all over the place. 

My Dad was a very kind, compassionate and gentle man.  He had the biggest heart and loved us like crazy.  He was an amazing father.  He LOVED kids, probably explains why he had 5 of his own.  But I will always remember our Friday night trips into Orangeville, the first stop was always the bank.  Then we’d have dinner out, for my older siblings, this most often was McDonald’s or Bens Restaurant, later on for Benji and I it was usually Burger King.  After that we always stopped in at the Orangeville Mall where he would get his lottery tickets and sugary treats for the week.  And quite often on these Friday night adventures he always found some mother with a little one in tow and stop her to fuss over her baby or young one.  He was a very proud Grandpa, boasting over the 5 he had and their successes.  When Amberly was first born, she was a bit more work then Caleb ever was, and she would cry and cry for long periods of time.  There was one day where I was at my breaking point and my parents showed up at my door.  My Dad took screaming Amberly out of my weary arms and shushed her and rocked her, sending my mom and I out of the house.  When we got back, Amberly was sound asleep in his arms. 

Not only did he love children, he also loved animals.  Growing up on the farm, surrounded by cattle, horses, barn cats and dogs, I grew to have the same love.  Dad’s patience was displayed daily when it came to the animals.  As I became a young adult, I helped my dad indulge in a variety of animals.  There was the geese, Dandy and Daisy, our pigs, Bubbles and Cinderelly, our sheep Floyd and Phyllis and the turkeys, who the Tom followed us around as if he were one of us.  That is only naming a few!  Calving time was always an exciting time for us kids (at least I thought so).  I remember my Dad having to do middle of the night checks on the cows to see if any calves had come or were on the way.  One year when April came around, Benji and I thought it would be a perfect April Fools joke to wake him up before 6am and tell him that a cow was having twins.  He flew out of bed, throwing his pants on and running for his boots.  I don’t think we let him get as far as the barn before we let him in on the joke.  He didn’t find it funny, but as a parent now myself, the fact that we weren’t yelled at for getting him up that early for nothing, makes him golden!

My Dad was always so great at loving me.  As a child he would spin me around the kitchen, dancing to a tune he was making up on a whim, to holding my hand and kissing me goodnight, even watching movies with me, Anne of Green Gables and Sense and Sensiblility he liked in particular!  And as of most recent always parting ways with a kiss and the words “I love you”.  These are what I will struggle with most.  But the Lord as etched my Dad into my whole being.  I will always think of him every time I hear a cow bawl or the frogs sing in the summer air.  Everytime I smell freshly cut hay and the scent of horses.  Everytime I see work on a farmers field or a road lined with cars for an auction sale, I will think of my dad. 

I’m still convinced that I need my Dad, and my kids do too, and that life without him just doesn’t make any sense.  But I have hope and confidence that I will get to see him again, and lean in to hold him tight in heaven. 


I love you Daddy.

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