Again, Still Waiting.....

It's Sunday evening and this little guy still remains to make a grand entrance. With each morning I wake up asking God if today will be the day, "please may it be today". By the time noon rolls around, the frustration starts to sink in, and my feelings of being uncomfortable are magnified, and I just wish it was time. Then by the time dinner is over and bed time routines begin and end, I sit and relax after the kids are tucked in now able to accept that today was in fact not the day. But begin to hope that I will get one more nights rest in before the big event.

This has been what my last 4 or 5 days have been like. I ride these emotional hills, and I'm tired of doing it.

Thursday's appt. was uneventful (as you may see) My ob entered the room with a regrettable tone declaring that it won't happen tonight with his help because the hospital was crazy busy, and there was a waiting list of women who needed to be induced. Deep down I felt that this was probably a normal story that he can tell, I have no idea otherwise right? He proceeded to check me, in the week since he last saw me, nothing changed. I was still 2-3 cm's dilated. This time he caused a little more pain as he stretched my cervix in hopes that this would help my water to break on it's own sooner than later. I left with another appt. booked for this coming Wednesday and feeling pretty discouraged.

From how he describes it, I understand why I couldn't be induced last week. They can't use the normal methods of drugs to induce such as cervidil, that they would give and then have you do whatever to wait for active labour. Because they will only induce by breaking my water, that requires a labour room, it's not like they can just break it and wait for something to happen. Then Dave has a buddy whose wife was on that waiting list to be induced last week, and he told him that there was "like 100 babies" born in those past few days.

I am really hoping that I won't make it until Wednesday, deep down I do hope things will begin naturally on their own. I never anticipated being pregnant still. I my mind I would have had this baby over a week ago already. Now the idea of him holding on for October is threatening me!

Still Waiting

I'm here. Waiting for this little guy to come. Between you and me, I think he's pretty comfortable, and doesn't really want to come. I've been off since Friday, thinking each morning, today could be the day. But then the evening rolls around and I'm back in bed struggling to find a comfortable position and having difficulty sleeping in general.

Tomorrow I have an appt. with my ob. I'll be 40 weeks. Last week's appt. I had an internal done, and was told I was 2 cm's dilated, and my cervix was softening. He then proceeded to talk about what next week could bring if I make it to tomorrow. He's on call at the hospital tomorrow night, so he mentioned that perhaps he would have me come in and he would break my water and see what happens. He doesn't recommend that I go over by much, I think he's concerned about the size of the baby. So I'm not going to stop him, as much as I would love for things to start naturally on their own, I'm not going to try and break a record or anything. So I wonder now what he'll have to say tomorrow. I don't want to believe that tomorrow will be the day, he said it would depend on things at the hospital and stuff. So, again I wait. Wondering. Sometimes worrying. Eager. Bored. Ready.

Caleb's First Official Full Day of School

Today marked a big day in the life of our Caleb. He had his first day of Junior Kindergarten. He was really excited. The fact that he gets 2 lunches was a thrill, and when we would ask him about the upcoming day, his main focus was that he gets 2 desserts (such a boy). Dave took Amberly to the sitters as usual, where I stayed home with Caleb and prepared him for the day. I packed his lunch, and showed him all his food and what to eat and when. We picked out what shoes he wanted to wear to school and what shoes he wanted to take for indoors. We packed up his back pack with his lunch, shoes and a bag of extra emergency clothes. We headed out the door. (I made an attempt to feed him breakfast, and he didn't finish his toast, and wolfed down his yogurt) Once we got to the school, I walked him up to the crossing guard and greeted her. Then we went behind the school to his door where he was to line up. There he met Mason, his older buddy who is in his class as an SK. From there, he ran and greeted his babysitter Christa with a big hug, and all the other daycare kids were there telling him that they were going to find him at recess.
Then the bell rang. I walked him over to the line, and Mason made room for him. I asked Mason to be Caleb's big helper for me today and he said sure. I bent down and looked Caleb in his eyes and told him I loved him. Then I gave him a little squeeze and asked for a high five. The teacher then opened the door and in marched Caleb, no turning back. I had tears well up in my eyes as the teacher started to close the door and say goodbye to us parents. But I held my composure. I then said my goodbyes to Amberly and Christa and headed to work. Christa told me how she found McQueen cupcake papers and that she planned on baking him special cupcakes to commemorate his first day of school and I sighed and said "gee, I even forgot to brush his teeth, let alone think of something like that!"
Once arriving at work, I had a couple of co-workers ask me about how things went, and I was able to keep it together, but knew if one more person asked, I was going to lose it. So I went into my friend's office and balled my eyes out! I mean the total "ah ah ah ahhhh" sob. But after I got the tears all out I was o.k. and before I knew it, it was after 3 and I was heading out to pick him up. The bell rang at 3:30 and out he came, with smiles on. The teacher told me that she only had him and one other JK there today, and that he was great. No accidents, picked up the routines quickly and seemed to enjoy himself. Caleb walked up to me and I gave him a great big hug and he asked me to carry his back pack. Then he saw Christa, and gave her a big hug while she presented him with his special cupcakes. We made our way back to the van with Amberly and I asked him a million questions to which he answered "I don't Know" to. So I really have no idea what happened at his first day. I know he played with Mason at recess. Oh and I know that the teacher helped him get his button done up after going potty. He's so cute he says to me "Constantinou did up my button" He fails to put Mrs. in front of her name, so to him her name is just Constantinou! That makes me laugh. As a family celebrating his first day, we went to East Side Mario's for dinner with Dave's parents. We had a really nice dinner.
It's hard to see my little guy grow up and like my Mom said, it will be hard to see him come home with changes knowing that I've missed a piece of his life. It's really hard to let go. This is the first step to many life steps he'll be making. I want to cherish every moment because I know it will go by so fast and before I know it, he'll be a man!
I love you my dear gentle Caleb.

Trying to Control These Feelings

Oh dear. It's always in the evening when I feel bombarded, overwhelmed with emotions. Tomorrow is really just a normal day. The only thing different about it is I'm taking a later lunch to take Caleb to his school and meet his teacher. It's only 30 mins of my day, but I'm feeling pretty emotional about it. It's just craziness! Yesterday at church during worship time we sang how God never changes, and although I have sang this song countless times in the past, yesterday it touched my heart. As much as I dislike change in my life, I know I can always hold tight on the Lord because He never changes. I try to remind myself of this fact in moments like now where I feel attacked by the constant reminders of how much my life will be turned upside down in the next few weeks.

I worked hard to make sure I can be prepared for life to change in our house. Saturday Dave and I tackeled cleaning the house and completly finishing the final touches in the boys room. We set up the bassinet in our room, washed all things baby and even set the car seat in the van. We're ready for this little guy to come. I'm just not. I haven't begun to pack a bag for myself. I keep telling myself I want to go and get something special for Caleb and Amberly from the baby (Deb's idea) but never am I motivated to do this. We have a name for him (I think!) but we haven't ever firmed up a plan for when labour actually occurs. Who to call, when and stuff. I'm just hoping it will happen during the week, so the kids can maintain a regular schedule and be with Christa, she's their second home anyway. I know that anyone we call on for help will be here for us at the drop of a hat, but again, it's the fear of the unknown, when, how, where???

ANYWAY.....Sunday was a fun day. We went to church and from there headed to my parents for the afternoon. My entire family was there and it was great to see everyone. We went over to the O'ville fair. I think we made it extra special for Caleb. This year 2 Monster trucks were there. One you could ride and one that actually crushed cars for show. This impressed me big time. After watching too many hours of MonsterJam on tv with Caleb, to see one in person, close up and see it tackle cars was amazing! The quiet joy on Caleb's face made it all worth while. He rode the monster truck with Benji quite proudly. He even went on a few rides and then watched the demolition derby. He kept asking me when the Monster truck was going to come back, but I think he liked seeing the cars crash up a bit.

Well, I think I'm going to relax for a bit (or try too) Kids are sleeping, Dave is working (poor guy) so I noticed 27 Dresses was on Showtime, so I think I may watch that!