Don't like this Reality.

My first week back to work was tough. Now that I'm into my second week, I find it even harder. In fact, I spent most of my day yesterday in tears. First of all, I'm in an office, cut off from socializing. I mean, it's nice to have the privilege to have the office, but it's too quiet for my liking. Second, my boss wanted to ease me in the last week, and I spent most of the week biding time, watching the minutes tick on. I was bored. Being bored really made me miss the kids and started me thinking about how I'm going to miss out on them and I just pray that I don't regret this one day. Guilt creeps in on me too. Third, I don't have my usual job back, I will be trained on a few new things and will be filling in for those away. But currently this isn't happening, so I have no work to do. It hit home yesterday and that's why I was so emotional. I felt that I was wasting my time. I come to work to do nothing, all the while I'm missing out on my children. I couldn't justify my reasons for being at work and I got upset. So I cried to my friend Lesa who then urged me to talk to my boss. I did, but I broke down crying to her as well. She understood where I was coming from and ended up giving me my usual work I used to do, by taking it away from some other ladies. I felt so much better once I was doing something I am capable of, and I felt like I was accomplishing things.

The kids are doing well. Last Friday I think Caleb realized that going to Christa's was happening every day because he cried when I had to leave. I hope we don't go through that again, because it just broke my heart. Amberly doesn't seem phased one bit, I guess that's a good thing? I don't know. I totally miss them.

This past weekend we had a big birthday bash for Amberly. My family and Dave's family were over, along with the Leibold's and the weather was awesome, we spent the whole party out on our new deck. We set out a couple of little pools for the kids and they had a blast in them. Amberly was spoiled, she's going to be one well dressed little girl, as most of her gifts were clothes. We bought her a fisher price tea set and the fisher price My First Doll House set. Both her and Caleb sit in her room and play with it. Caleb loves the fact that he can make the Mommy, Daddy and baby all use the toilet! We haven't got first steps from her yet, any day now it will happen. She often stands on her own holding toys and she hurries around the furniture, so I think she's going to be a runner rather than a walker. I better watch out! We also put in a flower bed behind our house this weekend complete with a lilac tree, a cedar tree and some perennials. I'm so happy with it.

The days ahead seem to be quiet ones. We don't even have baseball Thursday night, so I don't know what I'll do! I'm not working Thursday because I'm taking Amberly to her doctor's check up and needles (poor thing!) so that's nice. Tomorrow night I'm going with friends to see My Sister's Keeper, I'm looking forward to that.

Here are a few shots of the birthday girl, my gorgeous one!