Family Time Friday!

Friday night my family all came over and we enjoyed a meal together and celebrated Caleb's 10th and Krista's 15th birthdays!  It was a lot of fun and felt so great being surrounded by my most loved ones!

Gramma and her grandbabies

The special birthday kids

being spoiled

loving his new toque!

photo courtesy of Amberly!

The Snow Storm

Wednesday night it snowed and snowed, it was like a blizzard.  Thursday morning, the buses were cancelled but the schools were open.  So I kept all regular plans, got the kids off to school and myself off to work.  Around 11am, Dave texted to say he thought he would head home because word of road closures were concerning.  I told him that I would wait at work until I heard how his drive home was.  Well at noon, the school called and told me to come get the kids because they were closing the school.  I informed them that Dave would pick them up and that he was on his way.  It took Dave almost 2 hours to get home.  When I thought I best leave, it was too late, all roads in our township were closed.  I thought I was going to be stuck at work.  Of all places.  Everything seemed backwards.  It was supposed to be me at home with the kids not the other way around.  At 4, I decided I was going to try my best and see where I end up.  The Lord watched over me on my drive.  I made it home safely in only 30 minutes!  The kids were so happy to have me home that we immediately had to play monopoly.  I wasn't really into it...but they sure were!

After dinner, the kids spent the rest of their time outside in the snow!  Here's a glimpse of Joel....

Ten Years Experience

I now have 10 years of motherhood under my belt.  My boy Caleb came into this world 10 years ago today.  I love him entirely.  He's all I ever hoped for really, and so much more.  Happy Birthday Caleb, it's an honour to be your mom, and I will always love you forever and ever.

Tough Days

Monday's usually are good days, where routines return, and I can catch up with housework.  And today was a productive day, as usual.  But today was a tough one, with no particular reason.  It started with a dream which then lead into a day of feeling heavy hearted and sad.  Missing my daddy.

We've relied on our fireplaces these past few days for heat.  Even the furfamily members crave the comfort of the fire.  This made me smile today.

Snow Fall Warnings in Effect

The news had predicted that we were in for a lot of snow today, so outside from going to church we had planned a day at home.  With all that snow coming down, the kids were begging to go tobogganing, so Dave pulled out the sleds.  All 5 of us enjoyed the rides.  Brings out the child in us adults😉

To help warm up afterwards.....why hot chocolate of course!

It's a Marshmellow World

I sure do love big flakes of snow falling down!

I hope it's a white Christmas this year!  I'll keep it!

This little one was wandering around the house like this.  He intended to get outside, but was easily sidetracked!

Daddy asked for help shovelling the driveway.  These two were his eager beavers (only for a few rows, then abandoned him)

There was a cupcake creation table at the kids Christmas party, yummy!

This baby boy is about to turn 10!!!  Dave says that in another 10 years he'll be a post graduate.  Slow down time, I feel as though I might miss something.

#decemberdaysofjoy

Baby It's Cold Inside?!?!

Our furnace died.  This is a very sad and disappointing fact.  We have to replace it.  Even though this is the last thing we wanted to happen in December, I'm finding reasons to be thankful....hot chai tea lattes, neighbour's providing electric heaters(we're in the cold until Monday!), warm blankets, fireplaces, fleece pjs, this warm scarf lovingly made for me, and a lunch out with friends who have seen me thru thick and thin.  That's what I'm thankful for today.  #decemberdaysofjoy #afurnacethatdiedanddidnttakeuswithit

Returning to Work....it's Not All Bad

I've been back working for Rwam part time since October, and everything has been such a blessing, everyone I work with are so wonderful.  And I've been included in everything even though I'm only part time.  Today was the company party.  Starting at noon with a fun round of bowling, finishing off the night with dinner, drinks and some casino fun!  

Tuesday

I'm a homebody.  I love being in the comfort of my home.  And what is more comforting then a warm fire, the twinkling lights and tv Christmas specials?

Monday

It's pretty magical when you wake up to that white glow of freshly fallen snow.  It sure makes the world sparkle.  It also brings joy to the little kid inside me.

These two lovelies played outside for the longest time, until I had to call them in for bed!  Seeing how happy they were creating and playing in the snow is such a blessing! 

Something about Sundays

Sunday afternoons seem to have a slow pace, and I love that.  I napped.  I watched tv.  But I also turned on the Christmas music and began my Christmas baking.  Each year I always start off the baking season with my 2 favourite cookies, Whipped Shortbread and Chocolate/Peanut Butter Mounds.  #Decemberdaysof joy

Lots of Christmas Today

It was a full day!  The morning was spent with my brothers and fam as we went hunting for a tree.  It was a lot of fun, and my favourite part was the clear blue sky and the sun shining down on us, I sure miss that sun this past week.

The afternoon took us to Christmas in Concert at Koinania church.  We go every year and every year it's amazing.  After that we had dinner at none other than McDonald's.  This was a big treat!

So today, lots of happy moments.  A few tears in the dark of the concert, but quickly moved on by the happy sounds of Go Tell it on the Mountain.  Day 3, #decemberdaysofjoy

Peace in Sleep

There's nothing more peaceful then watching my babies sleep.  At the end of a long, busy, tiring day, this quickly reminded me of how lucky I truly am.

Day 2.

#decemberdaysofjoy

Crazy Hair

Both my boys need a haircut, and both have asked...but I'm partial to their shaggy looks....Here's day 1 of #decemberdaysofjoy

A Month of Finding Joy

November has been a dreary month.  A month full of sadness, pain, uncertainty, and struggle.  What I struggle with the most is seeing the joy.  It's been there, don't get me wrong, it's just been hard to soak it in, claim it as mine or truly want to enjoy it.  I fear December will be just as tough.  I want to be intentional in finding that joy and treasure it.   I'm going to find the simple moments, the every day moments that happen in the Christmas season and try to capture them in pictures.  My #decemberdaysofjoy 

Join me if you like!  Would love to peak into what brings you joy.

What I would Tell You

Well Dad, it's been one full month without you here.  One month of not hearing your voice answer the phone with "Hi Dear".  One month of not seeing your face, your smile, your gentle hands.  One month of no kisses on my cheek.  One month of learning the new language of past tense, having to correct myself when I say things like "going to Mom and Dad's" or "heading to my parents" or simply talking about you as if you were still there.  I love you and miss you.

There are so many things I would tell you if you were still here.  I'd let you read the kids report cards and tell you all about their teacher interviews.  I can picture you nodding in agreement with everything I was saying because you already know how amazing your grandkids are.  I'd tell you all about how we finally bought a new tap for the laundry tub and Dave installed it the very same day (then I'd have to ask you if you wanted the old tap for scrap).  I'd tell you all about our appointment at the bank and renewing our mortgage and what we learned there because I know how interested you would be in that.  I would tell you about my trip to the shop to have our van krowned, and how awkward waiting for it was, with some arguing receptionists.  I'd tell you that  Beth sold her pony, and how everything just fell into place so easily for her, and that she's already shopping for a horse, I know how your eyes would have lit up with that story.  You'd want to know that Dave had the mri on his knee and the results showed nothing wrong, so that very week he returned to volleyball and running.

I've put pictures of you up in the house.  The kids each have one on their dressers or book shelves.  I think of you all the time.  I have one a picture on my bedside table that I find myself looking at for long periods of time.  I miss seeing your face, and I just want to imprint your face in my memory, every expression.  Your face is so kind, loving, gentle.  I sure do miss you.

I'm still praying for Jesus to come back soon, so that the rest of us can all go together and be reunited.  And you know, the night Trump was named President, I honestly looked out the window to see if there were any signs.  Yes, that sounds crazy, and pretty silly, but I'm grasping on to every little bit of hope I can find.

I guess there would be one more thing I'd tell you Dad, and that would be that I'm okay, that we are okay.  Time continues to tick on, and with that comes all the things that have to be done in a day.  In all honesty, the night also carries a cloud of sadness, and there are times where falling asleep seems to accompany the flashbacks to the moments in hospital.  But God is so good.  He has filled us with peace and comfort.  He has filled our lives with people who have come along side us and in practical and most endearing, meaningful ways have carried us in our low moments and in that has brought "hard to come by" joy.  So we're okay.  Boy I would take you back in a heartbeat, but I keep reminding myself the amazing joy you must be experiencing in heaven.  You've had one month with Jesus, I can't be sad about that.  I just want to tell you that I love you Daddy.

Hope.

How Do You Say Goodbye?

My Dad passed away Saturday October 29, 2016.  This has been the most difficult thing I have ever faced in life so far.  I don't have many words to share because pain, it hurts too much.  This was what I shared at his celebration of life.....

 I can’t believe I’m here having to say goodbye to my Dad.  This is definitely the toughest thing I have faced in life so far.  It’s hard to know where to start when preparing something like this, so bare with me as I’m sure it won’t be eloquent and may be all over the place. 

My Dad was a very kind, compassionate and gentle man.  He had the biggest heart and loved us like crazy.  He was an amazing father.  He LOVED kids, probably explains why he had 5 of his own.  But I will always remember our Friday night trips into Orangeville, the first stop was always the bank.  Then we’d have dinner out, for my older siblings, this most often was McDonald’s or Bens Restaurant, later on for Benji and I it was usually Burger King.  After that we always stopped in at the Orangeville Mall where he would get his lottery tickets and sugary treats for the week.  And quite often on these Friday night adventures he always found some mother with a little one in tow and stop her to fuss over her baby or young one.  He was a very proud Grandpa, boasting over the 5 he had and their successes.  When Amberly was first born, she was a bit more work then Caleb ever was, and she would cry and cry for long periods of time.  There was one day where I was at my breaking point and my parents showed up at my door.  My Dad took screaming Amberly out of my weary arms and shushed her and rocked her, sending my mom and I out of the house.  When we got back, Amberly was sound asleep in his arms. 

Not only did he love children, he also loved animals.  Growing up on the farm, surrounded by cattle, horses, barn cats and dogs, I grew to have the same love.  Dad’s patience was displayed daily when it came to the animals.  As I became a young adult, I helped my dad indulge in a variety of animals.  There was the geese, Dandy and Daisy, our pigs, Bubbles and Cinderelly, our sheep Floyd and Phyllis and the turkeys, who the Tom followed us around as if he were one of us.  That is only naming a few!  Calving time was always an exciting time for us kids (at least I thought so).  I remember my Dad having to do middle of the night checks on the cows to see if any calves had come or were on the way.  One year when April came around, Benji and I thought it would be a perfect April Fools joke to wake him up before 6am and tell him that a cow was having twins.  He flew out of bed, throwing his pants on and running for his boots.  I don’t think we let him get as far as the barn before we let him in on the joke.  He didn’t find it funny, but as a parent now myself, the fact that we weren’t yelled at for getting him up that early for nothing, makes him golden!

My Dad was always so great at loving me.  As a child he would spin me around the kitchen, dancing to a tune he was making up on a whim, to holding my hand and kissing me goodnight, even watching movies with me, Anne of Green Gables and Sense and Sensiblility he liked in particular!  And as of most recent always parting ways with a kiss and the words “I love you”.  These are what I will struggle with most.  But the Lord as etched my Dad into my whole being.  I will always think of him every time I hear a cow bawl or the frogs sing in the summer air.  Everytime I smell freshly cut hay and the scent of horses.  Everytime I see work on a farmers field or a road lined with cars for an auction sale, I will think of my dad. 

I’m still convinced that I need my Dad, and my kids do too, and that life without him just doesn’t make any sense.  But I have hope and confidence that I will get to see him again, and lean in to hold him tight in heaven. 

I love you Daddy.

"Your Loves is Enduring through the Winter Rain"

It's Tough Being a Woman

Well it's been a very long time since I've opened this blog and typed anything out.  Honestly, I feel like I've become lazy in certain ways.  Mostly in my relationships.  I'm so easily consumed with my family, that so much time passes and I haven't reached out, haven't made an effort, and sadly, haven't even thought of.  This also includes my relationship with Christ.  I will go through a day lost in all the tasks to complete, all the little people I have to care for and all the thoughts that flow in and out, that at night when my face hits the pillow, I quickly fall asleep.  I do feel like I'm in a season of just wandering around, not having a destination, or a goal to work towards.  I ask myself all the time, "is this normal?"  Granted 'tis the season.  It's winter, and it's true, joy is harder to find, and emotions are heightened.

This past week, all 3 of my kids have been sick.  First it started with Caleb.  He rarely is ever sick, but this time it hit pretty hard.  He was so sad, and miserable.  He uttered words like "I feel like I'm dying Mom" or "I just want to die it's so bad".  First of all, where did he learn this from??  I know he's 9, but he's still my innocent boy!  Those 2 days I had him home alone with me, I loved it.  These moments don't happen regularly.  And he needed me.  I sometimes mourn the loss of my babies, now that they are all grown up, and for those 2 days, I got my first born back, I could care for him in tangible ways, practical ways, and I was in my element!  But then quickly, I realized things I was going to miss out on.  Missed out on dinner at a friends.  As simple as it sounds, I was so looking forward to not having to cook a meal!  To leave the house and not worry about it being cleaned.  Basically I just wanted to get out!  Then the weekend rolled around, and my girl wakes up sick.  I was discouraged.  But after voicing my feelings to my husband (who is so awesome) he quickly arranged a night out with a friend for me, so I had that to look forward to.  I was able to spend my day comforting my darling who was down and out, all the while anticipating a night out.  Sunday hits, and my baby wakes up sick too.  Both were so sick with fevers.  So the nursing continued.  Be careful what you wish for I guess!  Caleb was still not 100%, but well enough to play and do things, the other two, I spent wiping noses, tears, and foreheads.  This continued on for 3 more days after.  But finally I can say that all 3 kids are back to school, maybe still not 100%, but back to a routine we work so hard to keep.  It's amazing how a full 7 days of sickness can bury your spirit.  But I'm coming around.

The new year brought a new Bible study for the group I attend.  I've done this study before, so again I felt discouraged when they announced the study of Esther by Beth Moore.  I wanted something new.  So my first thought was, "I just won't attend" and "I don't need to, I'll only be bored".  But I felt the nudge to sign myself up.  I came home and dug out my study book.  When I pulled it off the shelf, I was shocked at the condition of it.  The cover was all torn away, and some pages ripped or missing.  Funny, I couldn't remember that ever happening to the book.  I then was trying to remember when I actually did the study, and I really couldn't think of it.  I can visualize the homes we were studying it in, and the ladies in the group at the time, but I couldn't pinpoint on my life time line when it was.  But after looking at the condition of the book, I thought it must have been after Amberly was born, and little hands who like to tear things apart must have been the excuse.  Then I started to go through week one and when I was reading my answers, I quickly verified that it was after Amberly was born, because clearly I wasn't working with a fully functioning brain, my answers didn't  reflect the question in any way, shape or form!  So it's like I've never done this study before really!!!

The one thing Beth reflects on is the statement "it's tough being a woman....."  One of the activities is to fill in the blanks, with 3 different examples.  I'll leave you with my 3 finishing statements...

It's tough being a woman, when as soon as your feet hit the floor in the morning the responsibilities of everything that has breath in the house falls onto my shoulders, and I'm lucky if I can make it into the bathroom without someone noticing!

It's tough being a woman, when I feel like I have to justify everything I do to everyone around me.

It's tough being a woman, when guilt follows you everywhere you go.