Don't like this Reality.

My first week back to work was tough. Now that I'm into my second week, I find it even harder. In fact, I spent most of my day yesterday in tears. First of all, I'm in an office, cut off from socializing. I mean, it's nice to have the privilege to have the office, but it's too quiet for my liking. Second, my boss wanted to ease me in the last week, and I spent most of the week biding time, watching the minutes tick on. I was bored. Being bored really made me miss the kids and started me thinking about how I'm going to miss out on them and I just pray that I don't regret this one day. Guilt creeps in on me too. Third, I don't have my usual job back, I will be trained on a few new things and will be filling in for those away. But currently this isn't happening, so I have no work to do. It hit home yesterday and that's why I was so emotional. I felt that I was wasting my time. I come to work to do nothing, all the while I'm missing out on my children. I couldn't justify my reasons for being at work and I got upset. So I cried to my friend Lesa who then urged me to talk to my boss. I did, but I broke down crying to her as well. She understood where I was coming from and ended up giving me my usual work I used to do, by taking it away from some other ladies. I felt so much better once I was doing something I am capable of, and I felt like I was accomplishing things.

The kids are doing well. Last Friday I think Caleb realized that going to Christa's was happening every day because he cried when I had to leave. I hope we don't go through that again, because it just broke my heart. Amberly doesn't seem phased one bit, I guess that's a good thing? I don't know. I totally miss them.

This past weekend we had a big birthday bash for Amberly. My family and Dave's family were over, along with the Leibold's and the weather was awesome, we spent the whole party out on our new deck. We set out a couple of little pools for the kids and they had a blast in them. Amberly was spoiled, she's going to be one well dressed little girl, as most of her gifts were clothes. We bought her a fisher price tea set and the fisher price My First Doll House set. Both her and Caleb sit in her room and play with it. Caleb loves the fact that he can make the Mommy, Daddy and baby all use the toilet! We haven't got first steps from her yet, any day now it will happen. She often stands on her own holding toys and she hurries around the furniture, so I think she's going to be a runner rather than a walker. I better watch out! We also put in a flower bed behind our house this weekend complete with a lilac tree, a cedar tree and some perennials. I'm so happy with it.

The days ahead seem to be quiet ones. We don't even have baseball Thursday night, so I don't know what I'll do! I'm not working Thursday because I'm taking Amberly to her doctor's check up and needles (poor thing!) so that's nice. Tomorrow night I'm going with friends to see My Sister's Keeper, I'm looking forward to that.

Here are a few shots of the birthday girl, my gorgeous one!

Maternity Leave - Gone

Tomorrow I'm heading back to work. I'm overwhelmed with emotions right now. Mostly feeling sad and distant, but I do admit there's a twinge of joy for seeing my friends again. It's going to be really hard. It was hard when I returned to work after having Caleb, but at the same time, I was o.k. because I was pregnant with Amberly and knew there was an end in sight. This time I have no end in sight. Not yet anyway. I'm also feeling a bit of seperation anxiety happening with me and Amberly. She's my baby, my lovey dovey and I'm her comforter. I know she's going to do well with Christa, but there's a part of me who wants to be there for her constantly. I want to be there for both my kids. I know Caleb loves Christa, and this won't be a transition for him much, but it will be a big one for Amberly, Dave and I. I guess I feel a bit guilty for working. I don't know.

This past week we had a really busy week. Tuesday, my parents came for the day, and we enjoyed the morning at Waterloo Park and then my mom and I enjoyed our afternoon of spa pedicures while my Dad stayed with the kids. I played baseball both Monday and Tuesday night, and put myself in a great deal of pain for the rest of the week. We had our deck built on Tuesday as well. I don't really remember what I did on Wednesday. Thursday we got our air conditioning installed, and then I enjoyed every minute with the kids. That night there was baseball, which I didn't partipate in because of my leg, but I went to be the score keeper. Friday morning Caleb got a hair cut, then Dave's parents watched them while I shopped. I got a number of things for work (I guess one perk was getting new clothes!) and some birthday presents for Brooke and Mason. When Dave was home we went out again to a nursery and bought a lilac tree for our backyard, and then shopped in Walmart and Cdn. Tire. Saturday was crazy! I took the kids to a mom and tot's swimming party for the morning, and then got home to put them down for a nap. Then after nap, we were up and out the door again to Rob and Tammy's house (Dave's co-worker Rob) and went swimming again and had dinner. It was a great time, but turned out to be a long day. Today I had to teach the toddlers nursery at church, and then after naps were over we went and celebrated Mason's 4th birthday party. Now we're home, kids are in bed and I'm getting organized for tomorrow. I'll be heading out to water our tree and flowers, and Dave wants to put up our solor lights around the deck. But then it's off to bed.

Voila

Well here it is. The new do! I took the plunge and chopped it all off. It's gone! I like it though, it's light and cool. I will have to go out and purchase a hair dryer and some mousse, but I'm o.k. with that. She also used a straightener, but I don't think I'll need that after blow drying it. We'll see!

I think I want it to look different, because it's a style that is really popular right now, so I think I will also use a curling iron to make it curly sometimes. Originally I debated about getting it chopped like this and then permed, but it was too much money, and I don't want to suffer with the perm growing out. So I can handle a curling iron.

Hair

I'm getting my hair chopped off tomorrow morning. I'm a little uneasy at the thought of it, but at the same time I feel like I'm due for a change. I don't know why I've become so attached to my hair. I was trying to explain to Dave that it's kind of a comfort to me. I always have days where I feel ugly, but I'm resolved by the fact that I have my hair. So I'm a little worried that if getting it chopped off doesn't suit me, then on my "ugly days" I won't have anything at all going for me! I've had my share of "ugly days" the past week and a half, and my eyes are still black! They aren't as bad, but no amount of make-up is going to help the football paint disappear! So then I wonder if I should wait until my eyes are back to normal before I do something drastic with the hair. But with more time, means less chance I will do it in the end. Ahhhh, my mom always says it grows back, and it does. I just have to go with the flow. Stop worrying about! I'll post pictures (maybe)!

Now Look At It!

Yes, it got worse. I ended up visiting emerg yesterday because of my eyes bruising. Telehealth said it was a cause for concern. But I'm fine. Just vain and don't like the way I look! I sure hope this is the worst part and will only get better today and on.

I don't look like it, BUT I feel like Warf from Star Trek!

Well, another baseball adventure to share with you all. This year I'm playing on two teams with Dave. The usual church league that happens Thursday nights, and a new team that consists of some of our church league team mates and some of Dave's Agfa co-workers and then some more! It's a slo-pitch team, we play either Monday or Wednesday nights at the RIM diamonds. This weekend was a tournament to seed our team in a division (we're hoping we'll be in the 'C' division!)

Friday night was our first game. It was the second inning and I was up to bat. I always am nervous at my first up to bat, mostly because I don't know all of my team mates, and I get an overwhelming feeling that I don't want to let them down. Plus I'm not sure I like slo-pitch because there is strikeouts, balls, and you can be patient to wait for your pitch, where as 3 pitch, you get three chances, and I usually take the first pitch as my chance! So I was patient for my first turn, and I was so proud of myself, I got walked! So I was on first base, waiting to run to second. Well the guy up behind me hit the ball towards the second baseman, and he got the ball and stepped on the base to get me out, I remember seeing all that happen. But the next thing I know is he threw the ball to first base, the only problem was he hit me smack dab in the middle of my forehead! I fell to the ground and sat there in shock while all the guys come running to me, I looked up and Dean (Dave's boss) was crouched down checking to see if I was o.k. and I said to him, "I'm o.k. but I'm going to cry now", he told that was o.k.! I got to the bench and man, my forehead ballooned up! I sat for the next inning with ice, but everytime someone asked how I was doing, I got teary eyed again. Once the game was over (we lost the game) another one of Dave's co-workers seriously told me to go and get looked at. But I didn't want to do that. So when I got home, I called telehealth, and after all the questions they asked, he just told me to be woken up every 4 hours for that night and the next night, and keep icing it. Then I called my mom and cried about it, because I never got to let out all my tears!

Saturday I woke up grateful that there wasn't a bruise, but my forehead was definately swollen, even today I still feel like I have a giant forehead, like Warf!

To end the story, I played great the last two games, I even got the winning hit on the last game, it was the bottom of the 7th inning, we had 2 outs, and 2 people on base, and we needed two runs to win the game, and it was my turn to bat. Well, I hit the ball so hard, and far, I got both runners home win the game! I was so proud of myself!

But really, I think I need to wear a helmet!

Happy Birthday Davey

Today is Dave's birthday. He's out this morning for a meeting at church, but then I've got my mom coming over to babysit, while I take him out to the movies to see Angels and Demons and then to Mongolian Grill for dinner. I'm really looking forward to going to the movies with Dave. We haven't done this in AGES!!

It's been a tough week, we lost Hockley! Or shall I say 'I' lost Hockley. I don't know when it happened, but she must of escaped the house at some point. I didn't realize she was gone until Wed. night. I do know the last time that I actually saw her was Monday morning. It's just strange that she is in fact gone, because out of the two cats, Sunshine is the one always looming around the doorways waiting for the chance to get out. But none the less, I do leave the door open when I'm loading up the van with the kids and their gear. So I don't know when she got out. I just feel extra sad because she's been out in this wet weather. She's a timid cat, and loud noises always scared her, so I can just imagine what she's going through. I talked to the neighbour, I rode the bike around the area, and we call for her out the back door throughout the day. I'm hoping that some kind stranger took her in and she basking in the love of someone else, this is all that is easing my mind!

Last weekend, Dave and I purchased a Chariot Cabriolet. It's used, 5 years old, but looks brand new. We LOVE it. It came only as the bike trailer, so we orderd the jogging kit to go with it. We were hoping it would come in this week, so we could use it on Monday (Dave is taking us to the zoo) but no such luck. We'll stick to the original plan of taking 2 strollers. Caleb loves riding in it, Amberly needs to get used to the helmet, she doesn't like it on so much, but with time I'm sure she'll get over it. It's nice to be able to just go for a leisure bike ride with the kids now. My butt needs to toughen up though!

Points

-Loving this warm weather. But oddly haven't been able to enjoy it all day long. Chores inside the house keep me from venturing outside.
-Last night Shannon and I took the kids on a walk to McD's for ice cream. Not such a great idea since we had to walk along busy roads to get there and the boys seem deaf to their mother's voice!
-Long weekend went by fast, spent a day at my parents, went out for breakfast with our friends, kept the kids happy
-I've been feeling kind of down lately, not sure why, maybe it's because I'm going back to work soon, I don't know. My boss was easy with my plans of work, I'm going to work full time for July and August and then only 3 days a week in September on since this is going work for Christa.
-Baseball is up and running, I've played 3 official games, my body hurt a bit, but I'm getting stronger so that is great.
-I didn't realize how much I missed playing baseball until I got back out there.
-Caleb gets to experience baby ducklings at the babysitter. Christa rescued abandoned eggs and 6 of them hatched. I have yet to see them, but I hope today I will.
-That's about all I have to say. Oh, but I'm looking forward to So You Think You Can Dance starting tonight, and was so happy the J.T. won Survivor!

My Adorable Babes

My handsome boy! He just loves being outside.

She loves it outside too, but she's so fast that she ate some grass on me!

I love this picture. He closes his eyes and everything when he goes in for the kiss.
There he is again!

I must admit I was one of those people who would look at a baby girl and think they looked silly with a little tuft of hair in an elastic, but when it's your own.....well, I'm just so excited she has enough hair for me to do this. Plus the front part is long into her eyes, and I don't want to trim it yet, she hardly has hair! So Pebbles she'll be and I think she looks pretty darn cute!

Come and Gone Just Like That

Our 5th wedding anniversary was wonderful. It was so nice to have a few days with just Dave. On top of that, we got to explore, and that made the time exciting. Thurs. morning we got up and got all our things in the van, then dropped the kids off at Dave's parents place. I got a little choked up leaving them. Caleb excitedly said goodbye, gave me big hugs and kisses and went on happily playing. Pulling out of their driveway I had to hold back the tears.
We started our journey to Ottawa. It was a nice drive and it didn't seem like we were in the van for hours, even though we were! Dave planned this whole trip so kuddo's to him and all his details. We spent our night in Ottawa in the beautiful Chateau Laurier. Our room had an amazing view of Parliment Hill. We wandered around the parliment buildings and then made our way down to the Byward Market and found a seafood restaurant to eat in and had beavertails for dessert. Then we kept walking and ended up at the National Gallery of Canada. Admission was free for the evening so we wandered around there for awhile. I really wanted to see Tom Thompson's work in person, so I got that chance. Then we headed back to the hotel and crashed.
The next morning we travelled on towards Quebec City. I love GARMIN!!! If it wasn't for GPS, I would have no idea how we would have found our hotel! We stayed our first two nights at the Hilton just outside the old city wall. Our room again was amazing, we had a corner room with windows every where, we had an awesome view of the old city and the parliment building. This was our anniversary day, so we were recommended a good steakhouse for dinner and we did that. It was lovely. Then we wandered around the old city for a bit before heading back to the hotel. The next day we spent entirely in the walls (of the city, not our room! he he he). We took a walking tour of the city, we looked in the shops, took lots of pictures, found meals and just enjoyed the atmosphere. I was a little overwhelmed with everything in french, but I think it was just because I couldn't understand people having their own conversations, but it's not about me! ha ha ha! We then made it back to our hotel and checked out their heated outdoor pool and then that was it.
On Sunday we found some breakfast then headed to the citadel, the largest fort in North America. I learned many historic facts and was reminded of things I was taught in history. Plus the citadel is on top of the hill so we had lots of great views of the city and the St. Lawrence. After that we checked out of the Hilton and checked into the Chateau Frontenac. Very exciting. We had a room over looking the river and it was just really neat being in that historic hotel. We did some more shopping and then I went back to the hotel and had a nap, while Dave ventured back up the hill to check out the Plains of Abraham. Then we found a nice restaurant for dinner and waited until dusk to board a ferry to see the city from the water. The ferry was just that, it took people back and forth between Quebec City and Levis on the other side. But it was really good to see everything from the water.
We were pretty tired, and I didn't sleep so good that night, I was eager to head home and see my kids. We were up at 5am to check out by 6am and be on the road. My parents were staying at our place with the kids since Saturday, so they were in their own beds, and were doing fine, but I just missed them so much. We arrived home around 4pm, and I was so happy to see my babies. They both have pretty bad colds, but Caleb was pretty happy to see us. So much so that this morning he's been my shadow and has asked about "Daddy" countless times.
I'm quickly back into routine with the kids, and although I truly enjoyed the last 5 days with no schedule and being able to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about times, naps, and bottles, I'm glad to be home.
With my trip gone, and only 2 months left before work starts, I want to make my time off count now. I just hope these next two months don't fly by!

Belt Me In

I have to wear that belt :( I was really out of wack today. The issue is my right hip, and pelvic area. She had a lot of adjusting to do today. To the point that she suggested that I don't run. But if I don't run, I can't play baseball. So in the end I managed to get the o.k. to try running with the belt and see how I do. I am feeling discouraged about it. It's not even May and the activity that I really enjoy hasn't even officially begun and I'm already being told that I may not be able to play. Grrrr.

On the bright side, the weather is amazing out there!

Am I Too Old?

Last night we had an "exhibition" game against the other Elmira ball team. It was the first time I full out played baseball since fall 2007. It was a test to see how my pelvis was going to take it all as well. I've been seeing a physiotherapist for the past 3 weeks now, she's been adjusting my pelvis and giving me exercises at stregthening my core muscles because this is what is causing my groin pain. She's recommended a belt for me to wear, but I'm vain. It's ugly, and you have to wear it around your butt. So I am determined to get these muscles stronger and avoid this belt. I thought I was doing well, last week she told me that I was getting stronger and because I've gone longer in between groin pain we thought it was working. Until last night. I don't know if it was when I hit the ball and turned to run to the base, or when I went to run for a ball in the taller grass, but by the time I got home I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't lift my left leg to get my sock off. I sat in a nice hot bath and then went to bed. As usual, I woke up this morning with no pain at all. It's bizarre. I have another appt. this morning, so I'm sure she's going to want me to have this belt. But my next game isn't until 2 weeks time, and I want to take those weeks and continue my exercises and have the game and then see. I probably will have my appt. the next day after the game, so I can get the belt then. Dave thinks I'm crazy and that I should just get this belt now.

On top of all that, my elbow and my shoulder is sore from throwing. I think 30 brings a bundle of life experiences that include broken down bodies!

Huh?

what is the big difference between Twitter and Facebook status??

Relief, Maybe?

I chatted again with Christa, told her all my anxeity and fears, and she told me that she was there once and knows exactly how I'm feeling. The way she left the conversation was she told me to stop worrying about it and leave it with her, she will see what she can do for us. I am just praying that this will work out, we love her, and she adores Caleb like crazy. Here's hoping.....

Fresh Air = Sleep

This past week has had some amazing weather. We have spent 2/3 of our days outdoors, and boy it tuckers out Caleb. All week he eagerly says goodbye to me when I take him to bed for his naps. We've had many trips to a variety of different parks, or we just hang out on the driveway while Caleb "mows" with his bubble mower. I'm trying to utilize this great weather before I have to return to work in July.

I've had a difficult week emotionally. Dave had to work overtime this week, so he wasn't home much at night, that makes for a long day. But I did o.k. with that, what I am focussed on and troubled by is our whole child care come September. My amazing baby sitter has always told us that she only has room for Caleb. July and August is o.k. because she loses a few kids, but come September they all return and we are stuck without care for our kids. We didn't think much about it, in hopes that something would work out. But nothing has changed. I mean we could leave Caleb with her and find something for Amberly, but I don't want to seperate them. On top of this, I want to switch to part time maybe. Everything is so up in the air, I haven't talked to my boss about it yet, and this week after a discussion with Christa (babysitter) about a few different scenarios, I have realized that we'll have to find someone else. I'm devastated over this. I can't sleep at night, and I've had a few good cries over it. For Dave, it's not a big deal, we find another person and move on. For me, I see how much Caleb loves Christa, and how much she loves her kids, and I don't want to take that away from him. It's our first decision that will greatly affect our children. Plus, if I do only part time, it may be hard to find someone who is willing to take on part time kids, especially if they really want to fill full time spots.

It's a huge dilema, and I'm really trying to leave it in God's hands. I mean we trusted him when it came time for me to go back after Caleb, and he totally provided with an amazing lady. I just need to trust that He will do the same this time around. I think it's even harder this time because there isn't an end of work in sight. I'm not going back pregnant this time. So it's really hard.

We've hit a few milestones lately. The biggest one being that Caleb has been a whole month in real underwear. He's gotten a special ribbon from Christa and he's just our big boy! He tells us if he has to poop, but he still doesn't tell us about pee. But he's a kid of routine and we rarely have accidents, we go to the potty as routine and he holds it until that time! We have had accidents of number two's during nap time, but I can count them on one hand, which is good for a whole month! Amberly is crawling all over, and is now pulling herself up on the couch and bookcase. Ahhh, she's a handful! But we love her to bits!

Today we're heading to Mike and Joy's for dinner to celebrate Mert's birthday. So I better go and get the kids up from nap and us ready to go.

Tackle

Easter has come and gone already. The time is flying by and I'm really not looking forward to July. We had a busy weekend, we went to Orangeville on Friday and spent the day with my family. We got an early start and attended the 9am service at the Baptist church. It was great, the kids did great in unfamiliar territory. The service was much different than other years, but I still really enjoyed it. Then afterwards I met up with friends I haven't seen in awhile, one being Deb which was a nice surprise. Benji and I hid eggs out around my parents property and once Caleb woke up from his nap, he and the girls went on the hunt. It was so much fun, the girls were great with Caleb and helped him experience the joy of finding eggs for the first time. Saturday we had Steve and Christa with Cara over for dinner. After dinner Christa and I thought it would be fun to decorate eggs with the kids. Lesson learned....don't decorate eggs with 2 year olds! Then on Sunday we went to church and then had Mike, Joy, Fern and Mert over for lunch and the afternoon. Amberly is so active now. It's exhausting! I can't sit on the floor without the two of them tackling me and wanting my attention. And everything Caleb does, Amberly tries to do it as well! It's funny! They both are sleeping and I get a bit of "me" time. Gonna go and enjoy it!

Amazing

It's official, Amberly is now crawling. I find it so amazing how it just clicks in their brains. Yesterday she took 3 paces forward. Then stopped. Then started up again and never looked back. She's going everywhere. This new found independence is taking a toll on Caleb. He thinks because she's mobile means freedom to tackle her, boss her around and push her down if need be. This will be another mountain I must climb. Teaching them that they need to love one another gently, not rough!

Caleb Truckin' in the Muddy Waters

This is what Caleb spent most of the morning doing yesterday. He was completely soaked! He had a blast!

Just Daily Discussion

More of my cuties.

Sibling Rivalry

I know I know, it's not good that you hear me laugh, I was just shocked that he actually did that while I was filming and it caught me off gaurd!