It's Coming.....So Exciting!

Christmas is literally just around the corner. I think I finally turned the corner too finding that patience which disappeared, finding the joy in the craziness and finding those moments of happiness.

Finishing the Biggest Winner contest was the beginning. I got to enjoy a pasta lunch, and was able to finally have dessert! I could stop worrying about how to avoid situations where I would have to turn down food. I successfully lost 26.2 pounds and I'm proud of that. I set a goal to reach 26.5 or greater and I maybe fell short of that a bit, but I'm so happy with my outcome, no regrets! As for the contest results and whether or not my 26.2 is good enough, we'll see.....I'll keep you posted!

This past weekend our choir performed it's cantata. As much as I enjoyed being apart of this, I'm glad it's over also.

My shopping is done, my baking is well on it's way and I can slow down a little and enjoy, take the moments in.

Celebrating Love coming down to earth.....

Hi Santa

This morning while running some errands in the mall. Amberly requested we visit with Santa. Our morning was going well, I was enjoying the opportunity to browse a bit and just take in some "Christmas" spirit, so we waited. While in line I thought it would be a wonderful picture, having all 3 of them with Santa this year. Once we got up there, Caleb and Amberly hopped on the seat beside him, and Joel was happy until my hands left his sides, he quickly realized that some stranger had him and not mommy. He was beside himself, he had that cry, the one where I have to tell him to breathe. So this is why my baby isn't in the shot. That's o.k. There's always next year.....Ho Ho HO.

Christmas This Year

How Come?

How come when December came, it pushed out any room for patience? Each morning I wake with hopes the patience came back to me. And every morning I fail to see it anywhere. I'm to the point it puts me into tears. Just this morning I had hopes to run to the grocery store before swimming lessons. But the time it took for me to get my daughter ready stole any opportunity for me to get what I hoped accomplished. We were all in the van backing out the drive when I noticed that it took me a good 20 mins to get her dressed, leaving me no time to get to the store. I had to pull the van back in and take everything off that was put on. I've lost it. She pushes my buttons constantly all the time, and I've had it.
The youngest won't let me out of his sights. To pee, to get a drink to even walk from room to another he screams when he can't see me. When he is content is when he's pulling everything out of the garbage, the toy bins the clothes drawers, essentially creating a huge pile of chaos. The oldest has become addicted to xbox. I had to take him to the Santa Claus Parade dragging him along because he was so wrapped up in his game that nothing else would do. So my attempt to take that xbox away for good until the new year failed as my husband thought that was too extreme. Now the plan is to limit it for 20 mins. once a day. I do admit that it seems to have help some, but I think my plan would have been better.
Between working, being home, working out, not being able to indulge on a treat here and there, I think I'm losing my mind. I feel like Christmas is going to come and go and I won't get that feeling. That feeling of contentment. That feeling of happiness. I'm afraid all of those desired feelings will be taken and replaced with regret, frustration and just plain burnt out.
How come?

Father let my heart be after you...

With Christmas coming quickly, we tend to get lost in the busyness of the season. This song reminds us of why God sent His one and only Son. The ultimate gift.

Half Way There

Boy I'm done. I feel like I'm split in half. One day I'm so competitive that I'll stick with it and work even harder, the next I'm ready to cave and have that ever so desired chocolate that I've gone without. But yes, we have 3 weeks left (not even) and today I know I can make it. We got the mid point result today and Dave and I are in 3rd place out of 27 teams. Which is awesome I know. But we're 1% lower than the team in 1st place. 1% is ALOT!!! So a part of me feels discouraged. I know that the end result is worth it all, but gee, $1500 is huge, I could have done a lot of shopping with that.

I don't know what I can do differently here on out to finish stronger, but strong I'll finish. Then I'll be able to enjoy some treats over the Christmas time.

I've been so far successful to exercising 6 days a week. I've been going to 3 classes a week and the other days I either go swimming or ride the exercise bike. I've found a new love, zumba! Yep, it's pretty darn fun! I've drastically changed my eating and follow the Dr. Phil diet. It's fairly simple, the first week is a killer, but now it's easy. I do miss carbs though. (I get 2 a day, but they have to be high in fiber which limits quite a bit) I find comfort in scrambled eggs with salsa - sounds gross I know, but right now, it's my comfort food! I savour every bite of my Fiber One cereal in the morning, that cereal makes me want to get up in the morning! HA HA HA! Sad but true. Dave has taken me to mongolian grill, a place I can throw together my meal, have them cook it in front of me and allows me to stick to my diet. And my new favourite is a turkey sub at subway. I don't love salad, so I stay away from that as much as I can, I would much rather eat heated veggies than a salad. Last week was our mid point weigh in and I lost 16.6lbs in 3 weeks according to the official gym scale, although my scale at home today says I'm down 20lbs. So we'll see. We'll see how these last few weeks unfold and what becomes it in the end.

The Meaning of a Shoebox

This is the 3rd year that Dave and I have intentionally taken our kids to the stores to find certain items to place in a shoebox for a little child, who just like them, loves to receive but are in a place where so little is given because there just isn't the means to give.
Our little guys this year really understood that we were giving to someone. Caleb picked things that he would like to get, and Amberly found things that she already has and loves and picked those because of how much she enjoys hers. We quickly packed them in the box, carefully placing things in certain ways to fit and make room for more things. I forgot the list at home, so there are still a few essentials items that I will buy to put in, such as soap bars and combs, but other than that they are ready to go. They are filled with toys, crayons, hair clips, notepads, balls, lollipops, toothbrushes, first aid kits. I enjoy filling the boxes up because the idea that it will reach a child who lives in a desolate place, where everything to us is simple for them is so difficult, fills my heart.
It's so important to teach our kids the gift of giving. Not to teach them by giving them everything they want, but by practically showing them how blessed they are and that for just so little we can turn around and bless someone else. This world is so full of need, and we have so much, it's the least we can do right??
All it takes is a shoebox.
If you want more information, watch the video below and plug in your postal code at the website, it will give you the nearest drop off location.



http://samaritanspurse.ca/Operation-Christmas-Child/Collection-Centre-Locator.aspx

A Week I'm Glad to be Gone

Last week was rough. It was a combination of several things. But the one that weighed my heart heavy was the death of an old friend. He and I had been really great friends in our high school days. Time took hold and I probably hadn't seen him in over 9 years. I went to his funeral this past Saturday, and was not only heart broken, but I found myself disappointed and angry. There were things said without any emotion. Truths between relationships came to light and it wasn't right. I wish I had kept in contact with him, because he needed to see grace given and shown and maybe I could have done that just a little for him. Where is Grace? Why can't the single, most important message of Christ come from a father/mother/pastor? Is it really that hard to extend? He was 34 years old. He died because of a blood clot. It was sudden, quick and way too soon. But God needed to show him the grace he deserved, so He took him home. Again, I don't know the facts, I've just read between the lines, and maybe I'm completely wrong. I pray I'm wrong, because a life of regrets is not one that God wants for His children.

Life is busy. Between working, running the house, looking for time to do workouts, I feel like Dave and I drift in and out. I miss him. So I breakdown. I cry. I'm entitled to fall apart sometimes. I always feel better after a good cry. But things will slow down come January. I hope!

It's Time to Start Doing - Going

Put Your SELF aside and Go.

Time to Get the Fierce On

Today was the beginning of what I consider a long 7 weeks....Dave and I have entered yet another competition put on by the local gym. Same rules as last time, the only difference is we do it in pairs. The winning team still brings home $1500. That's a lot! Last time I did this, I lost 26.5 lbs. Dave wants me to set a goal, which I find very intimidating, because I don't want to fall short of that goal. Plus I think this time will be even harder, the weather is colder, the season is all about yummy treats....But dare I say....can I do it? Can I loose 27?? Game is on. Today Dave and I took off work and went and started up our Christmas shopping, and had a nice FILLING lunch (last supper) at Kings Buffet! Then we weighed in.
We haven't felt like supper, and I just got in from doing 20 laps at the pool. And he is currently out on a long walk.
The competition is stiff, we have a lot of hard work a head of us, but right now I feel up to the challenge....Bring it on (or take it off shall I say!!!)

Trick or Treat

Our two oldest ones were so excited for Halloween this year. Caleb was counting down the sleeps. Amberly was just excited to dress up. We carved our pumpkins this year. The kids thought that was neat.


Amberly and Joel came home from the sitter's looking like Frankenstien the previous Friday. Joel's was pretty much all gone, but Amberly looked spookey.

Caleb warmed up to the idea of Mr. Incredible (after watching the movie a couple of times) He was getting geared up to go!

Here's my Pumpkin Princess. She is probably a child that could appear on the Toddler's and Tiara's show, she's so picky when it comes to her hair. She actually loved that I put her in hot rollers. She sat still and didn't move for 15 minutes. And when she realized the curls fell out (not even hairspray would keep them in) she demanded I do it again. (I don't give into her demands!!!) But she was happy with her face.

The year of the skunk, yet again...He liked it. I just carried him around to our neighbours place before returning him home.

My lovies....Yes, I re-styled Amberly's hair. And yes, she cried when I put her lips black (I had to paint their faces twice that day, once in the morning, they all attended a party, and then again before heading door to door and the tear, yet not planned, seemed to make it more effective!!!)

Mt Hero....

There is so much candy in our house now......YIKES! We had 136 kids come to our door. Probably would have had more, but we ran out of candy!!!

All Things Fall and Fun!

We are well in the midst of October. It's a lovely month really, being with family, eating lots of yummy food, beautiful leaves and colour and the excitment of what is coming next, looming around the corner! That's right, we're talking Christmas people! The Wishbook has been opened and lists are being created. Names have been drawn and the anticipation for the first snow fall is creeping up on me!

Of course, we have to get Halloween out of the way. We have been blessed with wonderful family and friends and neighbours who have passed down lots of clothing for our kids and with that came some costumes also! Our neighbour gave us 2 witch dresses and a Mr. Incredible outfit and a transformer costume. Caleb has been struggling because he says he wants to be the transformer, and if that is what he wants to be then let him be. But his mama wants him to be Mr. Incredible. The transformer has a mask and I don't like that so much and Caleb doesn't even know what one is! Today I painted on a black mask around his eyes and put him into Mr. Incredible and he looked awesome. So I hope I can encourage him to be that. One of the witch dresses is poofy with lots of orange on it. So I'm going to make my lovey into a Pumpkin Princess. I'm going to paint her face lightly with orange and sparkles, add a couple of black diamonds to her eyes and curly hair with a crown of leaves and I think she'll look wonderful. (She doesn't need to know what a witch is let alone be one!) And my baby will dawn the classic skunk costume to complete the threesome!

Our Thanksgiving was loads of fun. First of all, let us not forget how amazing the weather was. Shorts and t-shirts for all! To kick things off, my mom's side of the family had a reunion with cousins held at their place. There must have been around 60 of us there, it was so wonderful to see second cousins who I used to play with as a kid, and see how they have started a family of their own.
On Sunday we had a quiet day at home with the kids. Went to church and then walking through a bush nearby.
On Monday we headed to my brother's place for our Thanksgiving meal.
We also went for a hike there into the back fields.
By the end of our hike, the kids were all hot and sweaty (well not just the kids!) so they got into swimmers and ran through a sprinkler! It was summer all over again.

Lots of good times had by all!

Even Though I Grasped

Joel is one. I wanted his first year to go by slow. Slow enough for me to treasure each phase, memorize the changes in his appearance, record his "first time" events, and yet, I can not believe that in all my efforts, time did not slow down, it only seemed to speed up.

The past two weeks seemed crazy. Returning to work and trying to jugle work and home is tough. Finding little pockets of time to squeeze in things that are important. It's hard. And preparing a special party for a most beloved little boy, was not only fun, it had it's time of frustration. It was all last minute. Last minute shopping. Last minute wrapping. Last minute cleaning. Last minute cutting and chopping and preparing food. It was all so last minute, I didn't even get my boy a card. Despite that, everything came together wonderfully on Saturday, the day we celebrated. My camera wasn't working however, and I didn't get the greatest pictures I had hoped for, which again leaves me feeling disappointed and like I've failed at something yet again. But what I did capture I'll treasure. Joel will be a well dressed boy for fall and winter. The majority of his gifts were adorable outfits. He did get some blocks, a riding toy, a bathtub toy and a few other things.
He was showered with love. The cake time was so cute. As we sang he clapped for joy. It took him a while to figure out what he was supposed to do with the cake. But once his mommy put icing into his mouth he quickly discovered the yummy taste of cake. And of course, it wouldn't be a first birthday without the messiest cake face picture ever!

Sayings

Caleb and Amberly have started Awana this year. Caleb is a Spark and Amberly is a Cubbie. Amberly has done well learning her first memory verse which was "God loved us and sent his son." 1John4:10. She has also incorporated this verse into her daily conversations such as "Mommy loves me and sent my birth" or "I love my kitty and sent myself". There have been a few tunes also that she's been singing about this. Her new verse for this week is a variation of two "All have sinned" and "while we were sinners...Christ died for us" Sometimes sinners comes out as dancers or singers. But I think they would give it to her.

Caleb has been given 2 weeks to memorize John 3:16, which is a pretty long one for him to get at his age, but with success, we have done it and he's quite proud of himself.

They both manage to make me laugh when it comes to their chatter. Just tonight Caleb went into a very descriptive story of how he managed to get his underwear wet while pooping on the toilet. It was very detailed. So much so I won't repeat it. Amberly tells me all about her new best friend Linda at Sunday school, which her name isn't Linda, it's Lisa, she's her teacher but she's her best friend anyway. Also, she manages to talk a great deal about Cody and Jordan (teenagers) when they are there to help. I think she likes the boys.

Oh they are growing so fast, right before my eyes. I'm loving every moment of it. I love watching them build their personalities, their characters. I love them.

Mother Guilt

Today marks the last official day of my maternity leave. The emotions are swirling around, the fear sometimes catches a hold and the guilt continues to surround me so much that I'm struggling to climb up out of it. When birthing your baby, not only do you get the most amazing gift in the world, you also are handed over guilt. As a mom, I can't do anything without guilt not far from me. And tomorrow I enter back into the working world and guilt is beating the crap out of me. I keep reminding myself that it's only 3 days a week. I'll be home with them more than I'm not. It's good for me, good for them. Yet, I look at my snugglebug Joel and think of all the things I'll miss. Perhaps his first steps, expressions, laughter, tears and so many more things. Caleb, I'll miss taking him to school and picking him up. What if he needs his mommy to encourage him before his day starts? What if he wants Mommy to hold him after a long day? Amberly, what if her daddy doesn't have the patience she needs in the morning like her mommy has?
Ahh yes, but it's only 3 days.
I'm sure after I get this week behind me it will all be fine. Right?

A New School Year Begins

Caleb woke this morning asking "Who's day is it today Mommy?" This question is asked countless times before bed and first thing in the morning. Disappointment and complaining rang out this morning when he was informed that today was a school day. He seemed sad and told me that he didn't want to go to school FOREVER! I was sad for him, I didn't tell him that he would be in school for years and years to come, because I knew that would only make that moment worse, and for me, I'm having a hard time letting go of my boy. It's hard watching him walk into a world of school where I can't protect him and hold him close to my side to shelter him from anything that could go wrong. I know that this is all apart of growing up. I know that he will grow in knowledge not only in book sense, but in social skills and interactions. I also know that the things I've taught him will aid him in any situation and as long as I keep showering him with love, grace and understanding he will be a remarkable boy and man. I want to encourage him to be a stand out follower of Christ, and even though he's only 4 (going on 5 soon) innocence and obedience says a lot to an outsider looking in.
My Boy, Senior Kindergarten looks good you.

September? Where Did You Come From?

It showed up and moved in without any warning. September arrived and is here. I'm definitely not crazy about it. I'm a very routine person, my kids thrive on routine, but September requires skillful routine which is going to be a hard transition. School starts again next week. Caleb again is indifferent to this idea. We visited Walmart today, it was a scary zoo, so the quick "grab and get out" was initiated by the mean mom (me) who doesn't let her children look at toys. But they were good about it after I explained to them that there was just way too many people for us to even see such fun things. So the markers and glue sticks and hand soap that was purchased was nothing very exciting for my son. When people ask him about school, he gets a bit huffy and says "yes, I go back againnnnnn". He even asked me the other day "Mommy, how long do I have to go to school?" I sighed, poor thing, he's got a looonnngg way to go!
September also means the return to work from my maternity leave. I'm a little down in the dumps over this as I have thoroughly enjoyed my maternity leave. Joel is my angel and we have a special bond, I find it will be really tough letting him go for 3 days. Yes, 3 days a week is all that I'll be working, so that's the bright side of things really! With only working part time, I get the best of both worlds I believe. My co-workers have all told me they are excited for me to come back, I can't say I share in their enthusiasm but it will be nice to have adult conversation more regularly. Returning to work means, childcare which means more organizing in the mornings, evenings and everything in between. I'm sure we will all adjust, but those first few weeks will be a little hectic.
Gone are those lazy days of summer, the days where p.j.'s were still worn past noon, where little girls hair wasn't even combed, crawling into bed after lunch for a little nap was a must. I can say goodbye to those opportunities and begin to search for those slow moments and soak in them as long as they last.
Don't ever wish away a day. Don't.

Oh The Woes of a Cat

For Ashes, I'm sure, the past 3 weeks have been the worst adventure she's ever or will ever be on! It all started with what typically happens to a 6-7mth old female, she was sent to be spayed and declawed along with her sister Cinders. They spent a few days there and when I got them home, they were relieved. I watched them like a hawk the first couple of days, checking their incisions, and watching their paws. After a week, they were back to themselves, racing around the house with each other, battling it out at night. Until that is, that Friday where I had just finished talking to my neighbour about how perfectly they had healed up. I went to check on their incisions one last time, to make sure all is well, when I spotted something red on Ashes' leg. A hole was gaping on her inside hind leg. Quickly I searched the entire house, looking for signs of where she caught it on. I couldn't find anything. Trying to recall a moment where I may have heard her cry out in pain. I put her down for her to walk, and she did without favouring her leg which then made me suspicious. I called Christa (my wonderful babysitter, who is also a vet tech.) and asked if she would mind stopping in to look at her leg. She came with in 15 mins. She first thought the same I did, that Ashes impaled herself on something, but then we both looked really closely and noticed a small little hole that seemed to run deep. Christa immediately knew that this is probably where they injected Ashes with a needle to put her to sleep for her surgery. She told me to call the vet and have them look at it and fix it up. Christa also warned me that if they didn't agree that this is where the needle was, then I would be looking to pay $140 or more on this type of visit. After Christa left, I let the tears fall. It was the worst timing ever. We were to be leaving on our vacation the next day. We did not have that kind of money to be dropped at that time. I called the vet and they saw her that night. The vet did confirm what Christa had thought and so thankfully they cleaned her up, gave her an antibiotic injection and put a cone collar on her and sent me home with a cream that needed to be applied 2-3 times a day.

This meant our 11 yr. old neighbour couldn't watch the cats for us. So my sister said she would take them for the week. We loaded up for our holidays and packed the cats as well and dropped them off at my sister's house.

After the week had gone by we picked the cats up and got them home. But this is what her leg looked like after a week.

Not much healing took place, not that I could tell really. It looked clean and I was happy with it, but Christa came on Monday to look at her and was shocked when she saw it. She thought it was much too deep and sure it would heal on it's own, but would take months! She told me to take her back to the vet and let them make the call, since it was their fault. So I did. I still feared the cost of these visits, but again, thankfully they owned up to their error and have not charged me a thing. When the vet saw how deep it was, right away she told me that she would like to surgically correct it and could I bring back the next day. Tuesday morning, I carted Ashes off to the clinic again, I picked her up that afternoon and this is what her leg then looked like:
She was to continue to wear her cone collar and go back next Saturday to have the stitches removed. All was well until Wednesday afternoon when I caught her licking her butt with the cone collar still in place. Turns out the collar was too small, and the darn cat chewed one of her stitches out! I called the vet and they again took her right away. They didn't want to put the stitches back in because that would require them to put her under, so they stapled it (sounds awful) and put a bigger collar on. It was so big she could hardly lift her head. I again called Christa and she happened to be going into her work and she had lighter cones for cats. So we have that corrected and now she can actually move around. But yes, lets see if there is anything else in store for this poor kitty cat.

The cone of shame (taken from the movie Up)

Fighting to See The Bright Side

I've been having a rough week or so. It started last Friday, the day before we left for our holiday at the cottage. It was so easy to spell disaster that day. Everything I didn't think was possible was, and managed to drain out my tears. I don't want to dwell on the events that unfolded, but in a quick review, kids were needy while there was an urgency to pack, cat had a hole in her leg, cat visited the vet but needed extra care for a good week, other cat peed in and on our cloth grocery bags and bins, only discovered that truth at the store where a poor girl packed my items in them while wet (ya, I feel like I can't show my face again!), got to cottage to find no water, in attempt to get water going broke the pump, had to wait for a plumber, Dave suffered a bad back, Joel got a very runny nose, Dave got a terrible cold to put him out for 2 days and when I thought it was all said and done, today my babysitter looked at Ashes' leg only to tell me it looks worse and now we're back to the vet's tomorrow.

Yes, I struggled to find joy, and when I got a glimpse of it, it was quickly taken from me. I feel like falling further into a hole. But I do have footholds that keep me going. Happy times were present and remembered:
*fresh baked donuts and indulging without a care
*the little boy who randomly asks questions about who God is
*my girl who doesn't let me out of her sight, even if I just have to pee
*squeals of joy when Chippy shows up
*the excitment of frogs and how many he counted
*how cool I became when I caught one, but then quickly uncool at my reaction of a snake
*her picking out books and pretending to read them "A Woman of Independent Means"
*the baby and his cuddles
*watching my man be the best daddy ever when it comes to building sand things
*exploring a town I've never been to before
*driving countryside roads to beaches and beautiful views
*the power in a booming thunder
*finding the joy in reading
*watching a movie with my hubby with no interuptions

Coming up with that list makes all the things that weren't right seem so little and small and worthless. I need to put all this silly stuff that seems to ruin a day and toss it away, but hold tight to those things that do bring me joy.

Some wonderful memories caught on camera....

Drink in these Moments......Savour Them

Last night, the kids were all asleep, Dave was out playing baseball, I was alone with the t.v. dull in the background. I dug out photo albums from years ago. As I was peeking into my past, memories flooded back, while certain moments I couldn't remember. Looking at my first trip to Australia, there were certain sweaters I remember and then there were shirts I don't ever recall owning, and yet the evidence was clear in the picture. I browsed through pictures with Lesya, and the many wacky adventures we were on. I brought out the album of when Dave and I started our life together. These weren't so terribly long ago, but long enough. It's funny how a picture comes with a long, amusing story, while others only capture an emotion in a face in that second the shutter closed.

While going through these pictures, I had happy feelings about all of them because my past is a happy one. But I also quickly realized how fast our time slips by. You turn around and you've entered a completely different moment, not realizing you've let go of the last one. I heard this song on the way home from our trip to Superior and it came to mind last night again. Here are the lyrics:

Why don't we dance anymore?
I'm not o.k. with that
Why don't we laugh anymore?
I'm not o.k. with that

The years go by like stones under rushing water
We only know, we only know when it's gone

Why don't we smile anymore?
I'm not o.k. with that
Why don't we dance slowly?
I'm not o.k. with that

'Cause the years go by like stones under rushing water
We only know, we only know when it's gone

The Years go by like the water in our lovers eyes.

(Needtobreathe - Stones Under Rushing Water)

Have a listen, loving this song....


Take the moments in. They are gifts given to us, why pass them by? Enjoy, delight, savour, absorb each moment if you can, the grand scheme of things, are life is a sliver of existence.